Silly Superlatives
[Luca Blight’s game awards for 2016 are just like the ones you might see on TV – except his program is actually funny, and it doesn’t feature a cringe-inducing Ubisoft presentation. For that alone it’s worth a read! Do you agree with Luca? Disagree? Write your own blog and you could see it featured on Destructoid’s main page! – Wes]
IT’S YOUR BOY GUZMA…or Luca Blight if you wish. Anyways these awards are highlighting some weird or unusual aspects of the gaming world that you most likely won’t see in any games awards ceremony. (Note: I haven’t played every game this year but that won’t stop me. In some regards also it’s a tad spoiler-y.) Without further ado let’s begin.
Most Shameful Product Advertising: Cup Noodles XV
I won’t be talking about the Cup Noodles ad in Japan because it was rather funny. But I’ll be talking about the side quest in the game called, “The Perfect Cup,” where you’ll have to find an ingredient to improve the perfection that is Cup Noodles. After eating Cup Noodles with the ingredient Ignis says, and I quote, “Perhaps we truly can’t improve upon perfection,” followed the group talking about how great Cup Noodles are. Weird and a tad ironic how this game is a fantasy story with a real-life product. But hey at least the game is good and you fight a behemoth.
Biggest Blood Boner: DOOM
Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear Rip and Tear.
Biggest Fuck You: XCOM 2 “Missed”
Because 60% of the time, it misses every time.
Runners-up:
- Furi: Dying to a boss at its last stage making you start from the very beginning.
- Dark Souls III: Losing all your souls because you accidentally fall off a ledge.
Best Game I Haven’t Played: Overwatch
Now I may not have played Overwatch but a certain special part of me likes the character design and some of the fan art. Also a lot of people enjoy it so if people are happy, I’m happy – except when people laugh at me, I get mad, they get the palm of my hand, and that explains my divorce.
Wait How Many Hours Did I Spend?: Monster Hunter Generations
I spend so much time on this game – but why shouldn’t I? You hunt monsters to gather their materials so you can fight bigger monsters and the cycle keeps continuing. Each new monster poses a different challenge and with so many weapons and styles there are so many ways to play the game, making you spend countless hours.
Runners-up:
- Pokémon Sun and Moon
- Dark Souls III
- Final Fantasy XV
Best New Game I Played That Didn’t Come Out In 2016: Devil May Cry 3
I didn’t like the first DMC that much. I found the camera to be annoying most of the time, which really took me out of the game, making me ignore the series – a real shame since a lot of people enjoyed the series (except 2). After some time I saw the third one cheap in the store and considering people claim this one is the best, I thought, “Hey if I don’t like this one the series won’t be my cup of tea.” But I really enjoyed it. The fighting is great, the combos are stylish, and it’s great fun overall. The camera was a tad annoying but not as much as the first.
Runners-up:
- Persona 4 Golden
- Valkyria Chronicles
Most Feels: Final Fantasy XV‘s Ending
I don’t want to spoil anything, but Chapter 14 onwards is a feels train.
Runner-up:
- Dark Souls III‘s Final Boss: Those three notes.
He Should Really Take A Chill Pill: Toucannon
He just looks so pissed off. I don’t know what I did but he should really take a chill pill.
Runner-up:
- Uncharted 4: Rafe
Best Nostalgic Moments: Ratchet and Clank
It’s a remake of a game I’ve loved since the first one came out on the PS2. Most levels are made similar to its PS2 counterpart. The cards you collect in-game show the weapons you used throughout the whole series, which I really liked. But it’s a real shame that the writing and story aren’t as good as the original.
Honourable Mention:
- Final Fantasy XV: Those car tunes are playing with my nostalgia.
Best Pokémon: Rockruff
He may not be the strongest or the fastest, but he makes up for it with how cute he is. He warms up my soul.
Runners-up:
- Rowlet
- Aloha Vulpix
- Golisopod
The Game That Everyone Forgot: Wait There Was A New Resident Evil Game This Year?
Yeah Capcom did release a Resident Evil game called Umbrella Corps. It exists…I don’t know why, since no one asked for it, there was hardly any advertising, and it’s based on gameplay from Operation Raccoon City, which no one liked. Needless to say the game wasn’t liked and was forgotten until now, and to be forgotten again later in a few days, maybe less.
Biggest Surprise Of The Year: The Last Guardian Is Out
It’s finally out. I don’t know what to say.
Runner-up:
- Final Fantasy XV is out.
A Good Game Surrounded With Bullshit: Street Fighter V
I sort of liked Street Fighter V. The fighting was good and the mechanics were easy to learn. But the game felt rushed and lacking in content due to no arcade mode, and even the servers aren’t the greatest for an online-focused game. Even with the free story mode and more characters the game still feels lacking, so buyer beware.
I Never Asked For This: Doom‘s Multiplayer and Add-Ons
We can all agree that Doom is a fantastic game. But the multiplayer is not great. It’s not terrible, but it pales in comparison of the single-player experience. They released multiplayer DLC but most of us just really wanted a single-player expansion.
Best Weapon: Ratchet and Clank‘s Sheepinator
It turns every enemy – even including bosses – into sheep. It also has infinite ammo so go nuts with the thing. Soon the whole level will be nothing but sheep.
Runner-up:
- Doom‘s BFG: It kills everything in one shot. Everything.
Best Boss: Dark Souls III‘s Champion Gundyr
He starts off like his early counterpart but don’t let that fool you. After some point he gets pissed off and gets faster and aggressive as fuck. With his speed, nowhere is safe to heal, making the battle stressful.
Runner-up:
- Doom: Cyberdemon
Spookiest Moment In A Non-Spooky Game: Final Fantasy XV Chapter 13
Spoilers:
You reach the imperial capital city and what you find is that no one is there except for daemons and robots. You find clothes of what the people wore but nobody or even a skeleton around. It’s not the scariest thing but it does leave a creepy atmosphere.
Biggest Badass: Doomguy
This guy wakes up and first thing he does is kill demons. He once chased all the demons to hell to continue the rampage to the point that the demons are terrified of him. He doesn’t take shit from anyone and does nothing besides killing demons.
Runner-up:
- Ignis: Smartass and badass especially in the later parts of the game.
Comment of the Year: Any One of ZombZ’s Banjo Guy Pictures
These always make me laugh without any context needed and there are so many to choose from. So please, ZombZ, never stop doing God’s work.
Runners-up:
- Honestly there’s so much to choose from because you’re all very funny people so it’s hard to pick another one.
Best Destructioder: MATT DAMON
MATT DAMON
My Game of the Year: Doom
Doom is just fun. As soon the game starts you’re killing demons. It feels like it’s an evolution for Doom; it kept what made the original great and added new touches to it. It’s just point and shoot done best. If you’ve seen my past comments you know I always recommend it, just like I’m going to do now. Buy Doom – it’s the best decision you can make for yourself and the world. Also it’s on sale on Steam and PS4 right now [Editor’s note: It was when this blog was published. You might wanna fact-check this for yourself!] so what are you waiting for?
Honourable Mentions:
- Final Fantasy XV
- Dark Souls III
- Uncharted 4
- Pokémon Sun and Moon
Best Gaming Website: Destructoid
All kidding aside you guys are great. I’ve been here less than a year and I love it. It feels like a home on the internet because we’re happy to talk about our personal lives and we also have Catgirl Friday, and I can’t name one other website that has Catgirl Friday. I can make opinions about games I don’t like without anyone telling me about whose dick my mother sucks. Seriously, you guys are great. Also don’t let a little Twitter drama get you down. That’s just Twitter, which is home of the attention-seekers. I only go there for Kaz Hirai’s tweets.
Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great Christmas and a happy new year. Now get lost…I mean goodbye…but no seriously get lost.
