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[I almost never care even the slightest bit about whatever flavor-of-the-week video game has taken the world by storm, but Fall Guys is different. It speaks to me on a primal level, and you can bet your ass that I have strong opinions about which rounds reign supreme. There’s not enough space here to fully get into it, but let’s just say that I absolutely, 100%, do not agree with all of Dango’s choices here in this blog ranking each round. Still, he makes some really great points, and I’d love to hear what y’all have to say on the subject! – Kevin]
Fall Guys: Ultimate Knockout has been a godsend for those of us who grew up playing platformers, because it finally gave us a chance to use our experience in an online competition. While games like Rayman Legends give us ghost modes and weekly challenges to master, Fall Guys throws us straight into the arena to fight toe-to-toe with several other players. There has been grabbing. There has been tripping. There has been blood.
It’s not a perfect game in its current state, but it is incredibly addicting due to being some of the purest fun a game can offer. I’m talking like 96% fun. Heisenberg-level fun.
Despite this, people haven’t been shy when it comes to picking favorites between the game’s many challenges. Tier list after tier list has been made by tons of players, but did any of these fine folks work for days with a team of scientists to create the ultimate ranking? I don’t believe they did.
I didn’t either, but my list is still better because my mom says I’m special.
Here’s my ranking of all the rounds before Season 2 comes out and makes it outdated!
The Best of the Best
Slime Climb is so awesome! It’s a relentless horde-thinner that’s always intimidating to witness, always heartbreaking to fail at, and always satisfying to conquer. A course of raw emotion where every layer of the climb is another chapter in an epic tale. It’s only made better by the fact that it often rewards those who qualify with an early finale, and therefore a better chance to grab the crown. Many great battles have been fought here and many more will.
The Whirlygig is a round I always love to see. It has shifted between first and second place in my mind for a while, and it’ll likely continue to do so. The bean-launching propellers give it more tactical depth than most courses, as well as an amazing sense of momentum. Aside from that, the choice by the end to go sideways or to test your might in the middle is a minor masterstroke in its own right, tempting the bravest of us with a faster road to victory.
The Rest of the Best
Dizzy Heights is fun as all hell, but it falls just short of the Whirlygig when it comes to playing with momentum and weird tactics. Still, its bouncy bits add a lot of replayability, and the three spinning disks near the end are a great source of last-minute chaos, which can be helpful for players who have fallen behind.
Hit Parade seems like the default Fall Guys obstacle course, as it feels the most like a playable episode of Wipeout/Takeshi’s Castle/MasterChef Junior. Lots of swinging things and cylinders you have to balance on, without a lot of unique gimmicks. It’s not the most exciting one, but I think the game would somehow feel a bit hollow without it, and that’s reason enough to put it this high.
Gate Crash should have been named Door Dash, since it’s the one where you dash through doors. It’s also my favorite of the simplistic gimmick courses because of how it rewards timing and positioning, making me feel real smart.
Door Dash should have been named Gate Crash, since it’s the one where you crash through gates. Something must have gotten mixed up during Nina Struthers’ hostile takeover of Mediatonic. This is Gate Crash’s more luck-based cousin, and I like it a lot, but it’s a tad more repetitive in my experience.
Tip Toe is an interesting mix of luck-based madness that rewards bravery and tactical positioning that encourages being a conniving mastermind. It’s mind games, chaos, despair, and relief packed into the only challenge with no clear way to proceed, and it leads to some of the most fascinating behavior from other players. The panel-based layout also makes it seem like a drastically more fun version of Perfect Match, which I will get to…
See Saw is one of the more free-form courses, which makes me love it despite its reputation. It isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. It mostly just requires you to get good a diving at the right time. I love leaping from a tilted seesaw to let everyone behind me fall. It’s the Yoshi jump from Super Mario World on a bigger scale, and it fills me with evil pleasure.
Fall Mountain is the only final round I’ve ever won, and I’ve done it twice. It’s a bit too short and not too interesting aside from the sheer speed of those rolling balls, but the exhileration of the W ahead bumps it up for me.
Fruit Chute is a massacre. The fruit gods have no mercy and do not discriminate. All that matters to them is that people suffer. It’s one of the most hilarious parts of the game.
Hex-A-Gone is a fun, visually pleasing round which happens to be so ball-bustingly hard that even Fruit Chute and Slime Climb tremble before it. It’s deceptive as well, making you think you’re doing great until you suddenly fall several levels to end up below everyone else. While one of the most imaginative rounds, it almost feels like it doesn’t belong in this game, since the controls aren’t quite tight enough for any strategies to feel too reliable (unless I just suck). I hope to win this one day, but it might be a while.
The Goodsie-woodsies
Roll Out is a good survival challenge. It’s enjoyable and easy to understand right away, but I feel like it could’ve been harder. They made it a bit too easy to get comfortable on one end of the cylinder.
Block Party is harder than Roll Out, but flatter and less replayable. There always seems to be a cost.
Royal Fumble is the best tail game by virtue of involving the most strategy and taking place in the coolest arena. While all tail games suffer from ping issues (or whatever), this one involves some of the slickest action and cleverest choices. This type of game works better with only a few players.
The Alrights
Jump Club is about jumping good. It’s fine.
Hoopsie Daisy is my favorite team game because it feels the most flexible and encourages diving more than the others. I like diving. Diving is good and cool.
Jump Showdown is something I feel could potentially go on forever. It’s a bit too much of an endurance test for my liking, but it probably feels pretty good to win it.
Egg Scramble. The funniest team game if you ask me. I enjoy the frantic nature of this one, but I also understand why it’s as hated as it is.
Fall Ball used to be one of my least favorite rounds. It can be a slow-paced, stressful experience at times, and it often is, but then you score the occasional star player goal, and the satisfaction shoots through the roof. It’s no Rocket League, but it sure has its moments.
Hoarders is forgettable but decent enough. It contains entertainment value. I don’t know what else to say about it.
The Meh
Tail Tag and Team Tail Tag are two sides of the same coin, but it’s a coin without much worth. I appreciate the fact that they are a change of pace, but I rarely cheer for them. Maybe they’d be better if those tail-teleporting issues were fixed.
Rock ‘n’ Roll makes the mistake of separating all three teams for most of its duration, which guarantees that it only ever gets interesting by the very end.
Jinxed is a round in Fall Guys. I don’t quite understand how it works or why it exists, but it’s in the game, and I can live with it.
The Turd in the Dessert
Perfect Match is by far the most boring, repetitive, underwhelming, boring, slow, inflexible, boring, redundant round in all of Fall Guys. It’s fun-ish the first two or three times, but then it quickly goes downhill. It’s pure memorization and little else, forcing you to stand and look at these ugly, pixelated drawings of fruit while nothing else happens. It’s so dull that I’ve started to self-eliminate every time it comes up, simply because it’s a much faster way to get to a fun part of the game, and I can’t imagine doing that with any of the others. Perfect Match does not qualify.
If you have your own take on which rounds are the best and which are the worst (and I know you do…), feel free to comment. You probably didn’t need me to say that, but… whatever. I have to end this weak excuse for a blog somehow.
Thanks for reading, have a nice day, stay hydrated, get sleep, and follow your dreams!
