When I see information about a game’s Achievements, I generally skip over it. I could probably find something better to do with 30 seconds of my life than read an Achievement list. I could watch some paint dry or give myself elf ears. Prurient debauchery, however, catches my attention.
Fortunately for us, Peter Molyneux’s recently-dated opus, Fable 2, is just depraved enough to keep my attention, if its Achievement list is anything to go by. Highlights of the list include: getting villagers drunk, getting a tattoo, practicing polygamy, punting a chicken, gambling, thievery, and various other acts of skullduggery and ribaldry.
You can also get five Gamerpoints for having an orgy, provided that you do it “responsibly.”
While you try to wrap your mind around the implications and requirements of a responsible orgy, let me pose a few more questions. Should I assume that there are pharmacies in Fable 2 from which I can procure condoms? Or at least a gas station bathroom with a condom dispenser that costs $0.75 and you have to put three quarters in at once? What are condoms made of in faux-medieval Europe? Wood?
The games industry might be juvenile and sex-obsessed, but no one can deny that Peter Molyneux gets a spot in whichever heaven you might believe in for giving us a chance to have an orgy. Responsibly.
Full list after the jump!
[Via Xbox360Achievements]
The Paragon – 15g
Reach 100% Good or Evil.
The New Hero – 50g
Defeat your first great opponent.The Whippersnapper – 25g
Collect 5 gold pieces during the Hero’s childhood
the Pooch Pamperer – 5g
Play fetch with your dog.The Archaeologist – 5g
Dig up something your dog has discoveredThe Dog trainer – 5g
teach your dog a trick.The persuader – 5g
Convince a villager to give you a presentThe Show-off – 5g
Impress a villager with a perfect expressionThe Romantic – 10g
take a villager on a perfect date.You will need the right location and expression.The spouse – 10g
Marry a villager.The Parent – 10g
have a child.
The hunter – 5g
Kill a sweet,innocent,fluffy bunny rabbit(remember,safety’s off!)The Gargoyle – 25g
Find the gargoyles Legendary Treasure.The Chicken Kicker – 5g
kick a chicken a respectable distance. As if kicking chickens was remotely respectable.The Cliff Diver – 5g
Cliff dive 500 feet.The Workhorse – 10g
Get a high enough chain while performing a job.The Hero of Many Names -5g
Change your heros title
The Teaser – 5g
Get bandits to respond to expressions with fear,anger,mirth,and confusion. During combat!The Property Magnate – 10g
Sell a property for twice the price you paid for it.
The Rogue – 5g
something undetected from a building while there are people nearby.The Illustrated hero – 5g
Tattoo every part of your hero’s body.The Executioner -1 0g
Sacrifice 10 people in the Temple of Shadows.The Gambler – 10g
Win 500 gold at a pub game in one sitting, having tried each game type at least once.The Bigamist – 10g
get married a second time, whilst still married to your first spouse.The Swinger – 5g
Take part in an orgy, responsiblyThe Pied Piper – 10g
Start a party where at least 5 villagers are dancing.The Party Animal – 10g
Get 15 villagers drunk in under three minutesThe menace to Society – 5g
Commit an act of public indecency
The Black Knight – 10g
Shoot the weapons from a hollow man’s hands, blow off his head and then kill him for good!The Duelist – 10g
String together a full-speed chain attackThe highwayman – 10g
hit 3 enemies with one shot.The Archmage – 10g
Kill 5 human enemies with one spell.The Ruler of Albion – 100g
Increase the value of your real estate holdings to over 2.5 million gold!
The Hoarder – 25g
Collect every silver key.
The Goth – 5g
Dye your hair black, wear an outfit made entirely out of black clothes, and wear some black makeup.
The Completionist – 50g
Get all expressions, pet tricks, titles and abilities.The Extremist – 15g
Reach 100% purity or corruption.The celebrity – 50g
Reach 50,000 Renown.The Artisan – 10g
Succeed at one job to Level 5The Dollcatcher – 10g
Collect all the hero dolls.
The Muse – 5g
Inspire the Bard to compose songs celebrating your great deeds.
The Companions – 10g
Perform a perfect co-op expression.The blood brother – 10g
get a co-op combat bonus.The Philanthropist – 10g
Send a gift to an xbox live friend.
The Hero of strength – 100g
Complete the Hero of Strength
The hero of Will – 100g
Complete the Hero Of will.The hero of Skill – 100g
Complete the hero of Skill
The Sacrifice – 25g
Choose “The needs of the many”
The Family – 25g
Choose “The needs of the few”
The Egomaniac – 25g
Choose “The needs of the one”
