Activision makes mad bank on whored-out Guitar Hero games

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Yesterday, Guitar Hero 5 was “confirmed” by Activision, along with a whole host of other “Hero” titles. We say “confirmed” in quotes because this is Activision, and the day it doesn’t develop a GH game is the day the world itself stops turning. 

Of course, Activision doesn’t need to stop making the games, because it is making a ridiculous amount of cash off the back of the series. The evil publisher proudly boasted that the franchise has made over $2 billion, allowing Activision to grow fat and bloated on its milky produce. 

Along with GH5, along with DJ Hero and Band Hero were also confirmed. At this rate, Activision is giving Dynasty Warriors a run for its money as “most shamelessly whored out game in the world,” and Koei had several years of a head-start. Kind of impressive, in a depressing way.

Apparently, GH5 “gives players an unprecedented level of control over the way they play the game with the ability to drop in and out of songs and change band members, instruments and difficulty levels on the fly.” Band Hero will be Activision’s attempt to corner a younger demographic because Satan loves virgins, while DJ Hero will probably be embarrassing, but is bound to top the charts for weeks to come. 

Seriously though Activision, we know you will release and make money from Guitar Hero games until the world itself stops turning, so there’s no need to announce Guitar Hero 5. Or 6. Or 7. Or 8. Or Guitar Hero 9: Xtreme Legends.

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James Stephanie Sterling
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