Mars Needs Cheerleaders
Following a fortnight of run ‘n’ gun action and top-tier puzzling, we’re going back to the stars with Hamster’s favorite genre, the shmup — Available on PS4 and Nintendo Switch, it’s the Arcade Archives’ newest entry, Taito’s Megablast!
Released to the coin-op market in 1989, Megablast is one of a tidal wave of (admittedly forgotten) shmups that filled out smoky arcade centers up and down the country. While the action is fairly typical of the era, the storyline is one for the ages. Essentially, World Peace has been achieved on Earth, but the planet has been ravaged by an en masse disappearance of women. As it turns out, a dying intergalactic populace known as the Zancs cannot interbreed, and is instead abducting Earth’s women in order to help it repopulate its own race. Big ol’ yikes on that one, Taito.
And there’s no sign of Roddy Piper anywhere.
Check out the action in the video below, courtesy of YouTuber World of Longplays.
And thus, fighter pilots Dawnson and Bogey are dispatched to confront the Zancs, speed up the extinction process, and bring back the planet’s ladies, one of whom is Dawnson’s own gal pal. What follows is standard horizontally-scrolling shmup action, depicted in Taito’s typically oversized and kinda vulgar fashion. Power-ups can be gathered in order to boost the players’ weaponry. Not explained is how our heroes plan to bring all of the women back to Earth in their two tiny, one-man vessels. But if ask too many questions, then the minute of this carefully crafted narrative begins to come undone. So don’t.
Megablast is available to download now on PS4 and Nintendo Switch, priced at $8.
