#84 – My pride, I hold in my hands
Oh yeah, you know what time it is! Welcome back to Comments of the Week, the community showcase focused solely on the very best comments said by you, the members of this fine site, as well as me, the superior Dtoider on the block. I know, I know, we’ve been through this same ol’ song and dance about, what, 84 times now (but who’s counting?), so you probably just want to get on with it, right?
Well, too bad! I’m just going to sit here and type out a whole bunch of useless fluff to delay gratification so you can appreciate the comments when you finally get to them. Blah blah blah, yap yap yap, fap fap fap. Don’t you dare skim through the text! I’d know if you do because I’m always watching you, so you better not defy me or else you’ll suffer the wrath of a thousand belly slaps! Anyway, as always, you can find comments categorized into three sections such as:
TRUTH: it takes 540 peanuts to make a 12 ounce jar of peanut butter.
LOL: it takes me 540 days to make a 12 ounce jar of penis butter.
WUT?: uh, science project. A dare. A science project made on a dare.
If you haven’t seen last week’s edition of Comments of the Week, then what’s the matter with you? Huh? You think you’re too good for us now? You think you got better things to do? The nerve!
From Review: Style Savvy: Fashion Forward
Dreamweaver: I’d action her figures, if you know what I mean.
From The unannounced PS4 Slim now has an in-depth unboxing video
Dreamweaver: That’s what I said about a woman once. I swear, I meant it as a compliment!
From Smash + Grab is definitely not Sleeping Dogs 2
Dreamweaver: Oh me, oh my.
From Respawn responds to harsh Titanfall 2 feedback
Dreamweaver: What people also say about their wives.
From I’m not sure NetherRealm’s Mortal Kombat XL PC teases are going over so well
Dreamweaver: Maybe they’re trying to be considerate to those with huge backlogs. Did you ever think of that? Selfish.
Dreamweaver: I should take notes too. Where’s your aunt at?
From Ubisoft shelves Division DLC in favor of fixing the core game
Dreamweaver: Better late than never, but never late is better.
I stole that from a Drake song.
From Rocksmith 2014 Remastered to release in 2016
Dreamweaver: He probably is. I mean, he’s like, what, 80 years old now?
Dreamweaver: …Where’s my cat?
From Final Fantasy XV is getting even more DLC, and your Season Pass won’t cover it all
Dreamweaver: You pay money now so you can have the opportunity to pay more money later. Duh.
From Mario made an appearance at the actual Olympic Games
Dreamweaver: I think God would disagree with that.
From Excuse me while I go play Shadow of the Colossus yet again
Dreamweaver: I hate both of you.
From Pokemon Go loses over 10 million daily players
Dreamweaver: He done goofed.
From You’ll soon be able to make and play Halo 5 maps on Windows 10
Dreamweaver: He was so totally wrong, that was cool.
From ESRB listing for Resident Evil 7 details main character’s name, basic plot
Dreamweaver: Dammit, back to the pun-ker.
From My Nintendo just got a Metroid 3DS theme
Dreamweaver: Nah, He’s the last boss of the Rio Olympics.
Dreamweaver: He be standing up there all like “who’s next?”
From This Eevee stuffed animal doubles as a keyboard wrist rest
Dreamweaver: Are you an alchemist? How do you always come up with material!?
From I need these Xbox Onesies right now
Dreamweaver: I’ve seen enough cuckold videos to know this is where I make my (penis) move.
From [Updated video] The PS4 Slim is definitely definitely definitely real
Dreamweaver: I think that happened with a condom once. We’re still worried it’s going to end up in her womb like a wrapped up Christmas present.
From Nintendo Download: Super Mario 64 DS
Dreamweaver: Seems legit.
From After six years, Star Trek Online releases its most sought-after starship
Dreamweaver: Good, now we all laugh at you instead of just the ones who saw it.
From Adult Swim is helping bring back ToeJam & Earl
Dreamweaver: You be slipping, brah.
From Multibowl is like a head-to-head WarioWare for old games
Dreamweaver: What, no “Dang it, Dangus?”
From Guard your knees from this Zelda: Breath of the Wild arrows video
Dreamweaver: Dammit, this is why fire was invented.
From One of the rarest amiibo looks to be getting a restock
Dreamweaver: Wait, what would you do with Cloud then?
And that’s it for this edition, folks! I don’t really know how to close this, but I know you guys can’t get enough of my lovely voice, so I’m just going to continue saying random things just to satisfy you. Because me? I’m a giver. I give things, like compassion, friendship, crabs on one occasion… the dinner kind, not the sex kind. Because, because I don’t give those away. Intentionally.
