808s and Heartbreak
Welcome back to Comments of the Week. I’m your host, Dreamweaver! If you don’t know who I am, then you’ve obviously been hiding under a rock these past few months, so let’s pretend you’re totally stupid and walk you through what this is. Just pretend it’s a modern-day video game tutorial!
See, Comments of the Week is a compilation consisting of — wait for it — comments of the week. Mindblowing, I know. What’s even more shocking? These comments are even categorized into three categories such as:
TRUTH: supposedly, the physiological effects of heartbreak are similar to the physiological effects of a drug addict withdrawing from cocaine.
LOL: so just do cocaine.
WUT?: you’ll even save money!
Since you’re clearly new and diving into the 88th edition of Comments of the Week, you should probably check out the precursor editions. Unfortunately, my assistants haven’t yet updated the full list of links, so you can just check out last week’s edition while I’ll cruelly punish them by denying them sex with me for a week. It hasn’t worked yet but… wait a minute…
From Kojima talks about Metal Gear Survive
Dreamweaver: Looks like we found Torchman’s role model!
From Digital Homicide is seeking legal representation against Valve
Dreamweaver: They got talent; they’re the most awfully persistent people I’ve seen.
From Poland is getting a Witcher stamp with Geralt’s handsome face
Dreamweaver: Tramp stamps, judging by Geralt’s unrelenting libido.
From Team Ninja has more changes in store for Nioh after the beta
Dreamweaver: My porn history has a totally different definition of alphas…
From Kicks and queues: Destiny’s Rise of Iron expansion is having a bumpy rollout
Dreamweaver: Like S&M porn.
For kicks (HA!), guess which role’s me?
From Super Mario Maker is also skipping 3D support on 3DS
Dreamweaver: Like buff dudes with tiny churros.
From Firewatch delayed on Xbox One in Australia due to issues with classification
Dreamweaver: You act like they’re any safer indoors…
From Capcom explains different actor for Frank in Dead Rising 4
Dreamweaver: Sounds like Capcom should’ve been Frank with their real reasons.
From Urien’s classic outfit is lurking in Street Fighter V
Dreamweaver: We so objectified.
From You need to walk 248 miles in Pokemon Go to evolve a Magikarp with the buddy system
Dreamweaver: It’s supposed to be 124.25 miles, but it doesn’t roll off the tongue.
From Review: Dear Esther
Dreamweaver: The same thing with me and kindergarten.
From Gears of War 4 will feature split-screen on PC
Dreamweaver: She’ll give you blisters.
From New Senran Kagura teased for 2017
Dreamweaver: At least you got teased, I get snubbed.
From Review: The Bunker
Dreamweaver: I don’t get it.
From Machinarium is now available on PS4
Dreamweaver: Supper? I hardly know her!
From Someone recreated No Man’s Sky in Doom with multiplayer to boot
Dreamweaver: That solves one problem, but what about his taxes?
From Get 30 free Gold Points on My Nintendo
Dreamweaver: Damn.
From All first-party Microsoft games will run at native 4K on the Scorpio
Dreamweaver: At least it’s not the basement.
Dreamweaver: Warhammer? I hardly know her! But okay.
Dreamweaver: Ms. Mom was right. We really didn’t need that high-definition scanner.
From PSA: Zelda Picross is leaving My Nintendo soon
Dreamweaver: That’s how all Lifetime movies should end.
From Get a glimpse of the Bayonetta amiibo
Dreamweaver: That’s a bold hashtag, let’s see if it works out for him.
From You’ll have to wait a little longer to ogle boobs in Dead or Alive Xtreme VR
Dreamweaver: I’ve seen enough hentais to know where this is going.
From Paper Mario: Color Splash accidentally playable for people who pre-loaded it
Dreamweaver: For the folks who can’t read.
From PlayStation discounts all the Assassin’s Creed games by at least half
Dreamweaver: Dang it, Dangus! That boy ain’t right.
From Driveclub VR is coming in at $40
Dreamweaver: Toast?
From Pokemon president talks about NX, Go
Dreamweaver: So, it is a (high)brid game console…
And that’s it for this edition, folks! Tune in next time for more of that goodness you call Dreamweaver, along with the other people whose names aren’t important enough for me to remember.
