Prognosticating the Destructoid way
Evolve is releasing with a few monsters and a handful of hunters, but more will be on the way through the magic of downloadable content. Some of the monsters are known entities, but others are complete mysteries. At least, to you they are.
We at Destructoid have the inside scoop on Evolve‘s unrevealed DLC monsters. Official artwork still needs to be finalized, but we have gone the extra mile and provided you with artist’s renditions of the terrifying creatures. Included are quotes from each monster designer on the creation’s abilities.
Darren Nakamura
“This monster gets around by doing cartwheels everywhere. When it evolves, it grows extra appendages for more efficient cartwheels. Those are bellybuttons surrounding its luscious mouth. As it evolves, it actually loses bellybuttons, because that’s where the new arms grow in.”
Steven Hansen
“My Evolve monster design is actually from the ’90s — ’90s kids will remember it. I apparently invented Shadow the Hedgehog, but lacked the means of global production to foist him on the world and Sega beat me to it. All these years later, I’m glad Evolve has paid me $600 and three buy-one-get-one-free Sizzler buffet vouchers to use my original design as part of their DLC scheme. It is similar to the Earthen ‘bear,’ different from Evolve‘s slimy, scaly, shiny aliens, but equally proficient as a bipedal. It has a horn for killing things and also a bomb.”
Brett Makedonski
“I don’t know anything about my monster. :((((((((((((((((((((“
Jordan Devore
“Often found in forests, eating leaves. It has a sharp venomous stinger on its head.”
Ben Davis
“His special attack is hugging, and as he evolves he grows more arms for more powerful hugs.”
Bill Platt
Brittany Vincent
“Its name is Bahlgai and it’s a ballsack monster. Acid rains down from the horn on its head. Tries to camouflage itself by looking like your waifu.”
Patrick Hancock
“I call it Monster 2K. It grabs its victim and wrings them COMPLETELY dry until they just can’t give anything anymore. And then it wrings them some more.”
Jonathan Holmes
“Bullets just bounce off wow!!!!!!!”
Occams Electric Toothbrush
“She is essentially like Akira but is a white girl from Delaware named Tifanee. Her head is too big for her tiny little girl body!”
Andy Dixon
“It is a dick head with many dick teeth in its mouth.”
Kyle MacGregor
“Jordan Devore’s hair is a fiery shade of red.”
