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Jamie Kennedy — star of such cinematic blockbusters as Son of the Mask and Malibu’s Most Wanted — sucks as a person. After watching the above clip, the only thought that keeps me from drowning my sorrows in a crimson spray flowing freely from my slashed wrists is the idea that Mr. Kennedy realizes exactly how stupid mainstream America has become, and has made a career cleverly capitalizing on the joy all the fat Minnesotan housewives take from watching a caucasian person act in a stereotypically non-caucasian manner.

If he, in fact, has honed his craft into the abomination you just witnessed, I know a guy who sells Klonopin and plastic bags. Just gimme a call and we’ll go into that sweet night together.

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