You ought to know by now that I love the ESRB’s videogame ratings. From Street Fighter IV to Mass Effect 2, the North American ratings board never fails to entertain.
Naturally, a game as foul-mouthed and violent as Bulletstorm brings with it some beautifully detached and clinical ESRB description. As usual, the ESRB’s summary only makes the game sound even more awesome than before. Check it out:
This is a first-person shooter in which players assume the role of a space pirate who must escape a planet populated by mutant cannibals. Players use futuristic machine guns, shotguns, magnum revolvers, assault rifles, and chain guns to perform over-the-top kills that dismember and decapitate foes. Injured enemies emit large sprays of blood that stain the ground and surrounding walls. Specialty kills (i.e., Skillshots) represent the most intense instances of violence: enemies can be dismembered with explosives; impaled on spikes; and drilled into walls, resulting in body parts breaking into pieces.
During the course of the game, players can consume alcohol and kill enemies in order to receive an Intoxicated Skillshot; the screen turns blurry during these sequences. The dialogue contains numerous jokes and comments that reference sexual acts, venereal diseases, and having sex with one’s mother (e.g., “Guess I know where the ol’ gal got that limp.”). The names of some Skillshots are infused with sexual innuendo (e.g., Gag Reflex, Rear Entry, Drilldo, Mile High Club); one Skillshot (i.e., Fire in the Hole) allows players to shoot at enemies’ exposed buttocks. Language such as “f**k,” “sh*t,” “p*ssy,” and “c*ck” can be heard in dialogue.
We laugh at the ESRB quite a bit around here, but we really must spare a thought for the poor old bastard who had to write “Drilldo” and “Rear Entry”, before going home to his wife and telling her what he did at work today. We salute you, man who wrote “Drilldo.”
