Longtime readers of this site know that I’m from Portland, Oregon and that everyone in Oregon is either a fur trapper or a bloodthirsty native. While the natives use whale fat candles and bio-diesel generators to power their teepees, us fur trappers use electrictity (as God intended). The last two days, the entire northwest (Portland, Seattle, the unassociated Russian territories the government won’t tell you about … etc) have been hit with gale-force winds and tons of rain. In a land where a sunny day is only 2 inches of rain, these last few days have been wetter than the inside of a camel’s hump.
These winds and rain have conspired to blow down our mighty trees, knock over our mimes and make panhandling exceedingly difficult for our hardworking heroin addicts. They also seem to be affecting Valve’s Steam service as many people have been complaining of intermittent outages and the Steam forums briefly disappeared for a bit only to reappear with this message.
This is quite possibly the worst water and wind based tragedy in recent history, and if you would like to help, you can send money directly to my paypal account and I will be handing it out from the relative safety of my dingy which I’m using to rescue puppies and attractive women.
(Editor’s Note: If anyone out there knows how to “batten down the hatches”, please email me. I have some hatches and I’m not entirely clear on which part needs battening. — Nex)
