Pro skaters talk fake skating for Tony Hawk: Ride

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Tony Hawk: Ride is a game you play with your feet on a plastic skateboard. My mother always told me if I have nothing nice to say about something I shouldn’t say anything at all, so that is where I’ll stop with my commentary on the game. However, if you desperately need more you can hit the jump and hear Tony Hawk and his skateboarding friends talk about how awesome the game is and how cool the new control style is.

Not just that, but this game is so great for the entire family. It’s gonna get your kids off the couch and you’ll play it with them and then everyone is going to hug. The entire family will gather together: Mom, Dad and their 2.5 children. They can all gather around and have some family time until Dad starts drinking and talking about how he could have been a pro-skateboarder if little Suzy hadn’t come along. Then mom will remember how in shape she was before her 2.5 kids and get depressed and little Timmy, desperately trying to cheer her up by showing off, will accidentally fall off the board and break his leg, leaving the family in dire medical straights because they can’t afford health insurance, and this is why we should have a public plan.

Tony Hawk: Ride to national healthcare in two paragraphs! I’m here all weekend, people.

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Matthew Razak
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