Lets start with the facts.
Nintendo is a giant, evil corporation that is hellbent on ruining videogames, the world, and everything. The only things standing in their way are a local, “Mom and Pop” software developer called Microsoft, and a plucky, underdog electronics producer named Sony. For a while, Sony had just barely fended Nintendo off with something called the PS2, but lately it’s been Microsoft leading the struggle to keep Nintendo at bay. With the record breaking sales of Halo 3, a game universally accepted as the most wonderful thing ever made, Microsoft had proven that no matter how many battles Nintendo may champion, the “good guys” were still winning the war.
That’s all over now. Via a combination of highly effective viral marketing, and insults used to humiliate the consumer into submission, Nintendo has convinced the world to buy a game that it doesn’t want; a game that forces the player to become more aware of their own bodies by making them move their arms and their legs. Some people call that “exer-gaming”. I call it blasphemy.
By selling over 6 million units in the United States, Nintendo has official stolen videogames from “us” (13-24 year old males who are too sexy to even move) and given in to “them” (women, children, and old people, many of whom are not sexy at all). That’s right everybody, the latest NPD numbers show that as of February 2009, Wii Fit has outsold Halo 3 in the United States. There are now more people in our country using videogames to fake-hula hoop than people using them to fake-murder their friends.
Game over, man. Game over.
[via Kotaku]
