We’re friends, right? I can be honest with you. I know it. I was going to follow up my earlier list, 10 bad games you should play, with a similar list around the same time of year. However, I don’t have a kusoge chambered for today, so I’m bumping it to a year-end list.
Do you know how difficult it is to play a bad game every week? Not just finding, playing through, and then writing up while also covering other responsibilities, but the mental toll it takes on a person. So, even though the column is informally called “Weekly Kusoge” (not related to Hardcore Gaming 101’s “Your Weekly Kusoge”), I skip a week whenever playing bad games just isn’t enough motivation to get out of bed.
With that in mind, I did 36 Weekly Kusoge articles in 2023. Here are the 10 “best” games I covered this year.
Award for At Least Being Interesting – Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness
I covered Castlevania 64 and Castlevania: Legacy of Darkness back-to-back to show some love for the series’ more maligned attempts at 3D translation. And really, I can understand why they haven’t been ported, but their reputation as blotches on the series’ record is maybe not as apt. At the very least, they’re more interesting than, say, Castlevania: Lords of Shadow.
Legacy of Darkness is sort of the updated version of the vanilla N64 Castlevania. It includes the narrative campaigns of the earlier game, improving some things, but cutting a few features due to space. Personally, I think it’s still better, but there are some who prefer the original or, alternatively, suggest you should play both. That latter point, I can agree with.
Award for Kusoge that I Love – Paperboy (64)
Going into the article, I already knew that I liked the N64’s 1999 revisit to Midway’s Paperboy series. You shouldn’t be ashamed that a bad game can click with you. It’s not a matter of whether or not you can recognize the flaws alongside the strengths. Kusoge can be meaningful. Behind all the broken mechanics and unfulfilled ambitions, there is still human expression that can be connected with.
For the 3D update, Paperboy captures the bizarrely dark world presented in the arcade original and gives it a uniquely lo-fi art style and weirdly enjoyable music, then dumps a bunch of technical limitations on them. But all the fog and audio compression in the world could stop it from being an infectiously bright experience.
Award for Biggest Dumb – Final Fight: Streetwise
A sad swansong to Capcom Studio 8, Final Fight: Streetwise was reportedly mired in development difficulties before being released in a poor state. The developer originally had a more vibrant game planned that would be more true to the classic arcade original, but marketing allegedly wanted something more marketable. Ergo, a game that was like what was popular at the time: gritty and edgy.
The result is something that is just so, so dumb. As I described it, “an edgy teenager’s take on Yakuza.” The story has Kyle Travers trying to save his brother, Cody (from the original), from drug addiction. The enemies? They’re also addicts, but the inhuman kind, I guess, so they can eat buckshot. It’s that sort of daftness that makes Final Fight: Streetwise constantly entertaining, even when the gameplay is a letdown.
Award for Most Brilliant Kusoge – Tecmo’s Deception
There were a few commenters who were ardently offended that I referred to Tecmo’s Deception as kusoge, even though it’s one that I really enjoyed. Listen, I’m sorry if it upsets you, but the game is just an endless parade of “good enough fixes” and blatant failures. Being entertaining doesn’t stop it from being an oversimplification of complex ambitions.
On the other hand, it does feature some great atmosphere and a wizard named Wizbone. There’s a lot in Tecmo’s Deception that I wish was built upon, fixed, and refined for the sequels, but instead, the developers went in a mostly different direction. I’m not saying the sequels are bad (I haven’t played them), but the spots of brilliance in otherwise bad games are still worth preserving.
Award for Most Lovable Train Wreck – DinoRex
DinoRex is like Primal Rage if it were acted out in a playground sandbox using bargain-bin toys. It has dinosaurs fighting each other, but they appear more like toothless pugs fighting over a hotdog. Incredible. Just incredible.
It plays horribly, with unresponsive controls, bad hit detection, and a senseless lack of depth. But then it gives you a bonus round where your portly pal gets to march through a modern city, and all is forgiven.
Award for Most Compelling Torture – The Genji and the Heike Clans
You and I could sit down with The Genji and the Heike Clans (Genpei Toma Den as it’s called in Japan) and just rattle off all the things about the game that just doesn’t work. It has major issues like its sloppy “big mode,” cobbled-together platforming, and its horribly unfriendly difficulty curve. Despite this, it is a somewhat-beloved game in its home country of Japan.
I’m really not sure I get why. I don’t think this is like Spelunker where it’s considered kusoge, but still sells well. I don’t think Genpei Toma Den is considered kusoge over there at all. And yet, I can’t see it as anything but. Yet, despite that, I find it intensely charming. It’s very unique in its hostility, and the culture shock of its themes based on Japanese history and folklore just highlight that. Forget that it isn’t much fun to play. There just isn’t much like it.
Award for Artistic Merit – Mad Panic Coaster
I described Mad Panic Coaster as a cross between F-Zero and a rail shooter. You play as a pair of children who are strapped into a perilous roller coaster, and you have to keep them on track while also eliminating hazards in front of you by throwing bombs. It’s madness. It’s way too fast for its own good, and I had a lot of trouble putting it down.
What was most compelling for me, however, was that it seemed to have come from nowhere before just disappearing into obscurity. The company that supposedly developed it was an advertising business that very briefly touched on video games. Yet, Mad Panic Coaster isn’t an advertisement. Instead, it’s an aesthetically well-executed and strangely fun game that is built on a nauseatingly unique premise. It’s not the best game (it’s on this list, after all), but the tangible passion behind its creation makes it worth playing.
The Kyuukyoku no Kusoge Award – Ganso Saiyuuki Super Monkey Daibouken
Sometimes referred to as the “kyuukyoku no kusoge” or “ultimate crappy game,” Ganso Saiyuuki Super Monkey Daibouken was something I had to play for myself ever since it was featured in GameCenter CX’s “Ring Ring Tactics” segment. It’s a game that is so ineptly designed that it defies comprehension. To challenge myself, I played through it using only the tips that callers had given host Shinya Arino in GameCenter CX.
I did wind up completing it, which just consummated my love of kusoge. This year, I felt something snap in my brain that gave me the ability to just unironically love bad games. Super Monkey Daibouken is probably what caused me to break inside. It has elevated me to a higher plane of thought. Or a lower one.
The So Bad, It’s Good Award – Escape from Bug Island
Speaking of being broken inside, Escape from Bug Island is a game that has been living in my head since the early days of the Wii. The only thing I knew about it was it was apparently a very bad game, so I had to circle back and play it.
What I didn’t expect was such a hilariously bad set of characters going through an absolutely terrible narrative. I also didn’t expect such sexy lizard ladies, so that was a bonus. However, Ray, the lady friend he single-mindedly drool over, and his shotgun-phile friend all won my heart. I just can’t believe this is a real game. Simply captivating.
The Actually Awesome Kusoge Award – Cool Riders
Cool Riders is like Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game: it looks like kusoge, but it’s built over the bones of a great game, so it manages to be fun to play. But while the bizarrely composed assembly of photo-manipulated actors and scenery make the game look like it was pulled from the murky depths of a bargain bin, it comes together in a hilarious and fascinating way.
In what is essentially Outrunners on various motorcycles, you cruise across a world that resembles a travel magazine after it has been eaten by a camel. The world whips by you at light speed, but it’s impossible to look away as you might miss some of the bizarre scenery. It looks like the dumbest game imaginable, but when you actually accept it into your heart, it will block up all your blood vessels and drag you down inside to spend eternity. I mean, you should play it.
Wrap it up
Maybe it’s just my brainworms talking, but I definitely think you should play bad games. Video games are a lot like cheese. A lot of people – most people, probably – will stick to the cheddars and swiss of the world, and maybe if they’re feeling adventurous, they’ll try a gouda. Some are even happy just eating pre-packaged American cheeses. Anything with a recognized brand, probably one that is mass-produced, and that’s as far as they’ll go.
But if you really want to connect with cheese – if you’re truly a lover of cheese – you explore. You try artisan cheeses, aged cheese, and cheese from animals aside from cows. You eat the moldy kinds, the smelly stuff, and every once in a while, it can be extremely unpleasant. Eventually, the unpleasantness doesn’t matter because it’s not about eating cheese, but exploring the complexity of its flavor. Normal cheese becomes boring to you, but at that point, it doesn’t matter. The passion you’ve built and discovered is more fulfilling and meaningful, and your life is enriched because of it.
Playing kusoge gives you perspective. It enhances your connection with the medium and lends it depth and meaning. You most certainly can stick to the supermarket cheese aisle and eat out of bags of pre-grated cheddar, or you can travel outside your comfort zone and gain a true appreciation of cheese. I mean video games. I’m hungry.
