After the jump you’ll find the just-released list of Achievements for the Xbox 360 version of the upcoming blood, guts n’ dinos FPS Turok. Normally this wouldn’t even blip on our radar of actual, useful news but something about this list sticks out like a bloody limb that once belonged to your best friend. Have a look:
Grab Bag 10 Kill at least 1 creature, 1 enemy, 1 teammate, and yourself in the same
round of a public match
We ask that those of you literate enough to read the above text help those who aren’t as educated, but for those of you who are both stupid and lonely, I’ll put this as simply as possible: Turok rewards players for murdering their own team members!
This is the point at which I realize even with bold-face font, illiterate readers of this site still probably couldn’t read that text, nor could they read these words I’m typing currently … or any of this site for that matter. If you’re illiterate, what the hell are you doing on the Internet? We don’t even have any pictures of cooters or adorable kittens on this page.
Idiot.
 | Triple Kill | 20  |
| Kill 3 opponents within 4 seconds of each other in a ranked match | ||
 | Thorn in Side | 20 |
| Kill the Flag carrier 5 times in a ranked match | ||
 | Co-Op 1 | 30 |
| Finish Co-op Map 1 | ||
 | Co-Op 2 | 30 |
| Finish Co-op Map 2 | ||
 | Co-Op 3 | 30 |
| Finish Co-op Map 3 | ||
 | Hometown Hero | 25 |
| Return 5 Flags to your base in one public game | ||
 | Arch-Nemesis | 15 |
| Kill the same player 5 times in a row without killing anyone else in between during a public match | ||
 | Crack Shot | 15 |
| Kill 5 opponents in a public game with headshots | ||
 | Accuracy Award | 20 |
| Achieve an accuracy of 75% or greater with at least 20 shots fired in one ranked match | ||
 | Great Round | 15 |
| Finish a public DM match with a Battle Rating of greater than 100 | ||
 | Grab Bag | 10 |
| Kill at least 1 creature, 1 enemy, 1 teammate, and yourself in the same round of a public match | ||
 | Unbreakable | 30 |
| Play through a ranked match without dying | ||
 | Pacifist | 15 |
| Play a public match with no shots fired or kills awarded, capturing the flag at least twice | ||
 | Dino Hunter | 15 |
| Kill 20 Dinos in one public game | ||
 | Exterminator | 15 |
| Kill 20 Bugs in one public game | ||
 | Resurrection | 15 |
| Finish a player match free-for-all game with at least 10 deaths and 10 kills | ||
 | Gamesman | 15 |
| Play a full round of each gametype in public or private matches | ||
 | Retribution | 15 |
| Knife kill your Rival in a public match | ||
 | Primitive Weapons | 15 |
| Play a public match using only the bow or knife, earning at least 10 kills | ||
 | All-Purpose Warrior | 30 |
| Win 10 public games of each team game option (Small Team, Large Team, Co-Op) | ||
 | Medal of Citation | 25 |
| Achieve 100 player kills in ranked matches | ||
 | Medal of Commendation | 50 |
| Achieve 500 player kills in ranked matches | ||
 | Boomstick | 10 |
| Destroy a dilo with the stickygun during a public match | ||
 | Arsenal | 20 |
| Kill at least one enemy with every weapon in the game during public play | ||
 | Massive Battle | 10 |
| Participate in a public 6 on 6 team game | ||
 | Buddy Blowout | 20 |
| Play a full 8 on 8 private team game | ||
 | Multiplayer First-Class | 35 |
| Finish a ranked match with 100% accuracy and at least 5 kills | ||
 | Multiplayer Master-Class | 40 |
| Finish a ranked match with all headshots and at least 5 kills | ||
 | Practically Canadian | 20 |
| How aboot defending your flag, eh? And that’s in ranked matches, sorry. | ||
 | Big Game Ribbon | 20 |
| Whoa momma! | ||
 | Angler Ribbon | 20 |
| Fishing anyone? | ||
 | Sell Your Shotguns | 35 |
| Complete “Mother Superior” without using the ORO Shotgun | ||
 | Dino Dominance | 25 |
| Knife kill 50 creatures in the Story Mode campaign | ||
 | Turok Service Ribbon | 40 |
| Complete the Story Mode campaign and unlock Inhuman difficulty | ||
 | Turok Campaign Ribbon | 60 |
| Complete the Story Mode campaign on Inhuman | ||
 | Sniper! | 40 |
| Head shot 10 enemies in a row during the Story Mode campaign | ||
 | Impaler Ribbon | 10 |
| Pin an enemy to the wall with an arrow in the Story Mode campaign | ||
 | Turok Defense Force | 25 |
| Successfully fight off 20 Raptor mauls during the Story Mode campaign | ||
 | It’s A Trap! | 15 |
| Get dinos to kill 5 soldiers by sticking them with the flare in the Story Mode campaign | ||
 | Loud Love | 15 |
| Kill 3 soldiers with one ORO Copperhead Rocket Launcher shot in the Story Mode campaign | ||
 | 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… BOOM! | 15 |
| Kill 3 Soldiers with one Frag Grenade in the Story Mode campaign | ||
 | Pincushion | 25 |
| Pin 50 enemies with the Bow in the Story Mode campaign | ||
 | Man or Animal | 30 |
| Record 100 stealth kills of soldiers with the ORO P23 Combat Knife | ||
