Fred Upton, a Republican out of the great state of Michigan, wants to clean up Vice City. Not only that, but he doesn’t want to see the Mushroom Kingdom, Azeroth, or the Willamette Mall filled with obscenities the likes of which devious programmers have been sneaking past stalwart parents for the last few decades in an effort to corrupt their children (probably into the service of Satan). With that (and other totally insane ideas) in mind, he has introduced the Video Game Decency Act before Congress.
The idea behind the act isn’t as utterly inane as I make it sound though; Mr. Upton is tired of developers hiding content in games in the form of hidden mini-games or easter eggs that serve only to teach children about how people “hump”. He feels that it’s a parent’s right to teach their children about the birds and the bees who are trying to have sex with them by getting drunk, passing out, and leaving their stash of porno in an easily accessible closet, where children of all ages, races, and creeds can bask in the glory of double-penetration anal. After all, that’s how his generation learned about “doin’ it”, and if it’s good enough for all those closeted Catholic priests and pedophilic congressmen, then it’s good enough for the kids of today!
Then again, I’ve been known to oversimplify things in the name of making fun of rich white guys, so what do you guys think? Is this country letting the terrorists win if we continue to allow game developers to create fun mini-games, or are all of these developers too busy snorting heroin off of the decapitated corpses of bald eagles to care about the degradation of America’s moral fiber that they are singularly responsible for?
